It’s 2:30 or so in the morning and I’m sound asleep. I awake to the sensation of something tickling my right ass cheek. (I sleep naked). I reach for it, scratch the tickled spot, but then feel something small and squishy. I am instantly awake and out of bed with the light on. The Flash himself couldn’t have moved faster. After a quick search, I find (now crawling across my pillow at its top speed) a most hideous 2-inch caucasian-flesh-colored caterpillar. Where did it come from? How did it get there? Certainly, there is a small gateway to hell under my covers from which it slithered. I just washed and reapplied those sheets yesterday. Why couldn’t it have been a cute, green, hairy one rather than a shiny, pink monstrosity? Ugh, I won’t sleep the rest of the night.
if I stay up later it will take tomorrow longer to get here